Sorezore no Omoi
by Banana Rum
Summary: Kikyou misses someone who forgot everything that she treasured above all else. Miroku realizes while trying not to miss a single thing, he was the one who missed what was most important.
1. Sorezore no Omoi

Sorezore no Omoi :: Each and Every Feeling 

I don't own Inuyasha, obviously. If I did, I would publish my work and not post it here. And I would write in Japanese. 

By: Banana Rum :: Kalliel Inuyaksa 

How much would it take for me to tell you I hate you? 

How far would I go to rid myself of that hate? 

I have often asked myself these questions, hidden in the darkness of my living dream. 

You, who betrayed me. 

You, who have all but forgotten me. 

I know this because I too, have forgotten most of what you are. 

We promised we would be together. 

We promised that nothing could come between us. 

And something did. The tiniest hint of indecision, of distrust, and it was all gone in a single, fleeting instant. 

I learned that love is the thing that can tear apart a personÉa humanÉ.a demonÉor both. 

I learned that maybe you and I were cursed to die apart. 

For half a century I lay in death. Burning at the gates of hell, but unable to move on to peace because I lacked for which I wanted most. You. 

And one day I returned to this world. I was happy, for the tiniest instant. 

And then I found that the breeze did not soothe me, and the warmth of life was denied to me, even if the body was not. 

Seeing you there, all the rage and hate boiled in me, pushing the love and sincerity to an almost non-existent section of my earthen body. 

I wanted blood. 

I wanted it so you could see what I had gone through for you. 

And then I was torn from your gaze by my own fury. 

My will was of ice. 

My spirit was on fire. 

Alone in a world I once knew but now was made anew, I thought of you again. 

But I could not let myself fall to you. 

Not so that a bitter love could form. 

Happiness was not mine to take. 

Happiness is only for the ones who can step in the sun and marvel at its warmth. 

If I wanted to, I could kill you. 

For some reason, I did not want to anymore. 

Why? You were so vulnerable to me. I could strike at any time and you would not be ready. 

Because I was still in love. 

If there is something you know you possess, but you do not want it, can you throw it away? 

Not if it is something you truly do not desire, something you would condemn to hell if it were possible. 

If you do not desire an enemy, you can take its life. 

But if you are in love, reality will shun you. 

So I tried to forget you completely, but you kept coming back. 

Back to my tortured mind in which you swam with such grace before. 

I still love you. 

But this feeling is unrequited. 

For a while, you loved me back. 

Loved me even though I was naught but a construct of bones and dirt. 

Because my spirit remained. 

But that was untrue. 

My memories, my emotions, yes. 

I am something words cannot describe. 

Sad is an understatement. 

Do I love you now, or the memory of you? The memory where I was the only thing that mattered to you? 

Or do I love the pain of knowing that you are not the man I knew anymore. 

The pain of knowing that my reincarnation is more precious. 

When I died, you knew not even half the pain I always carry. 

You did not cry, and you did not follow me. 

No. Instead you embraced my soul in its new body. 

You cried for HER. You followed HER to a world you did not know. 

I have done the same for you, and you cannot return that favor? 

But I cannot shake this feeling that I love you still. 

My pain is mine to embrace, and I shall. 

I love you. I despise you. 

Are love and hate so different? 

You can only hate someone who you know well. The mere fact that you know them is love. 

A shallow love, but it is the same. 

Hate is borne of love. 

AndÉ love is borne of hate. 

If there is no trial to overcome, then you will never know just how much you love someone. 

How much I love you. 

fin 


	2. The Crying Space

Sorezore no Omoi :: Each and Every Feeling 

I don't own Inuyasha, obviously. If I did, I would publish my work and not post it here. And I would write in Japanese. 

By: Banana Rum :: Kalliel Inuyaksa 

Chapter 2: The Crying Space 

Lying here like this, I can here you crying. 

Why? I don't know. 

I cannot comfort you. 

You want to be alone...I think. 

Alone within the passion of the silver moonlight. 

Mourning for your family, or for even us? 

You've stopped now. Your breathing slows, and I now you have cried yourself back to sleep once more. 

Why do I let you do this every night? 

I want to go over there and hold you and kiss you; to whisper, 'it will be alright' in your ear. 

But I'm still just lying here. 

Since your tears have ceased, now I can hear someone else's. 

So faintly I wonder if I'm imagining things. 

Sitting there with his sword in his lap, he probably doesn't know I'm awake at all. 

Or maybe he does, and doesn't care to acknowledge that fact. 

He's not crying like you, where all the world could hear if they listened hard enough. 

No, no one. 

Not unless you were lying as close to him as I was. 

You cried with true tears, releasing the emotions you have to carry with you all day so you can be ready for tomorrow's sorrow. 

He keeps carrying it, and every day it gets heavier and heavier. 

How long, I wonder will it be before he falls under that burden? 

How many sleepless nights have there been for him, sitting like he is now, silver hair reflecting the tender caress of the waning moon. 

The golden pools that are his eyes are empty, but his expression is to tragic and hurt... 

You know he's crying more than the rest of us inside. 

I...I don't do that. But I don't weep like you either. 

By locking my fears and painful memories far away, I can make it so they don't touch me. 

That way I can live even knowing I may die today and never greet tomorrwo because of this curse I carry upon me. 

I told myself that if I ever accomplished even one thing that would make both you and my father proud, I could die happy. 

But what if I can't do even that? 

My soul would wander in life unappeased, and I would go on feeling like I do now for all eternity. 

I believe everyone has their crying space. 

Yours you can find wherever you go because you are strong enough to carry it with you. 

And his is eating away at his heart little by little, but he's proved more than once he can bear that pain. 

I, however, am only strong enough to keep it at bay, away from the point where it could touch me. 

I say to myself I have no crying space, no weakness. 

But maybe I was just trying to run away from my pain, my memories, who I am; and I haven't found it yet. 

fin 


End file.
